The worst part about having a bad dream is the insufferable feeling that my voice is building in my throat but my mouth can’t seem to release the scream.
It happened again last night. Someone was accusing me of a crime I didn’t commit and try as I might, I couldn’t shake the shackles in my throat to protest. So I woke up, churned up, and shaky for no good reason.
The nightmare was a symbol of my day yesterday. It was a doozey. It seemed that at every turn, someone was trying to thwart me. Silence me. Minimize me. Objectify me. Reject me. Steam roll right over me and leave me feeling flatter than a pancake. Those who tried to help, hindered. By the end of the night, I was a tearful mess and though I hoped that sleep would bring peace, it only brought panic.
The temptation this early morning is to assign the sinfulness of man to God and to bounce around the idea that maybe God doesn’t really care about me anymore. I had to fight hard against the heaviness of a feather-light bed sheet to untangle both my heart and my limbs so I could read my Bible.
I came begrudgingly to the table that the Lord set before me though I knew that He had run as fast as He could to meet me while I dawdled and drug my feet. I came because the alternative was doing me no earthly good.
There was no magical revelation as I read in 1 Chronicles or Romans that spoke directly to my current circumstances, and there was no flood of peace when I opened my mouth to pray. But there was commitment. And honesty. And I knew that the Lord was listening to the unspoken language of my heart. Sometimes, that’s enough. It’s enough to know that He loves me unconditionally as it says in Romans 8:31-39 (MSG):
“So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.”
I can’t help but believe that I’m not the only one feeling a bit bruised by people this morning. Maybe you can relate? Perhaps you are tempted to turn your cheek to the other wall and avoid God too? To throw the baby out with the bath water?
Let’s not.
Let’s be people who persevere and believe the best about our Savior Who is worthy of our gratitude even when things don’t go “our way.” Come to Him and at the very least, be still and know that He is God.
Let’s meet at His table regardless of our difficult marriages, our messy friendships, our physical pain, or our failures. We may not be at a place to feast on the fattened calf but even the crumbs at the Master’s table are more than enough to satisfy. The Truth that He sees us and is intentional in the details of our lives is not the stuff of dreams. It’s a blessed reality for those of us who have a relationship with Jesus Christ, even when it seems that everything is against us. He is always FOR us. Sticking up for us. He is our voice when we can’t find our own.
When I meditate on God’s love for me I not only find my voice, it sings.
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